The New York Islanders were busy wheeling and dealing at the draft, in the end coming away with 4 selections.

G – Leevi Merilainen – 4th Round – 92nd Overall

New York selected a goalie who was drafted in the 3rd round of the 2020 NHL Entry Draft, but went unselected in the GVFHL draft.  After being picked by the Senators, he put up a .934 save percentage in the Liiga Finnish League.  Merilainen has starter upside and was a nice replacement for the recently traded Ivan Prosvetov in the pipeline.

D – Johannes Kinnvall – 6th Round – 172nd Overall

The Isles went for an older defender with this pick, but despite just turning 24, he will be pushing for a spot with the Calgary Flames this coming season.  He was signed as a free agent and is an offensive defenceman with strong puck moving skills and can run a powerplay.

LW – Liam Kirk – 6th Round – 173rd Overall

The first British player to be drafted in the NHL back in 2018 has been on an upward trend since being selected.  Now 21, Kirk has been playing in North America and had a great World Championships which earned him a contract with the Coyotes.  He has the skill to be a middle six forward in the NHL.

LW – Joel Teasdale – 7th Round – 188th Overall

After trading their 7th round pick to acquire Scott Mayfield, the Islanders acquired the next pick and selected Teasdale.  He’s a strong two way forward who was on the Habs taxi squad this past season, but hasn’t played in the NHL just yet. Like Kirk, he has the skills to be a middle six winger in the NHL.

Habs management was pondering the secrets of the universe when the thought of how to make their team better crossed their mind. They already had a bunch of good ole grit and grind players to hit those nerds into submission but Habs management couldn’t help but feel like they needed more. And then the perfect idea popped up that had no real downside at all and always works when a team wants to recapture their glory days. Bringing the boys back together. The Habs already has guys like Ovie, McDonagh and Gudas from their 2018 championship squad, but they knew in their heart that bringing more of the gang back together would win them a cup for the glory of the boys club.

Hornqvist was a key contributor to the cup 3 years ago and the Habs wanted to bring him back as he is still a good ole gritty goal getter, he can likely pot in 20-30 goals for the Habs and put up a decent number of hits for the glory of the boys club. Hornqvist might not be the same player he was 3 years ago because of decline you say? Get out of here with that garbage thinking you f****** nerd. Hornqvist will likely find himself on a line with fellow pain in the ass Brady Tkachuk and the disgrace know as Steven Stamkos so that should be a productive line that puts up a ton of hits. Hornqvist may even find himself playing on the top line with Ovie and Forsberg even if Josh Anderson doesn’t work out on that line. The boys are coming back together and they will be unstoppable! There are teams out there that have more skill then the Habs you say? Pfffft who needs skill when you can just hit your opponent into submission.

The New York Islanders made a big splash to open the offseason, acquiring superstar defender Drew Doughty.  They were looking for a top rated defenceman to play alongside Quinn Hughes on the first pairing, a group that will be play with Connor McDavid and have the chance to light the lamp each night.

In exchange New York gave up promising youngsters Travis Sanheim, Roby Jarventie, and Ivan Prosvetov.  While Sanheim has had a solid NHL career thus far, he hasn’t found his way into the Islanders top four yet.  Adding Doughty made him expendable as the Isles look to win their first Stanley Cup.  Jarventie is a great young shooter and Prosvetov got his feet wet with a little NHL experience, but both were given a chance to move on in order to acquire one of the top defenders in the GVFHL.

Acquiring Doughty is a major piece the Islanders were looking to add this offseason.  There are still a couple moves to be made, but New York checked a big one off the list with this move.

After a quiet season for the Penguins who finished last in the GVFHL, the rewards for the season of suffering have arrived. The Penguins won the GVFHL lotto, the first lotto win in franchise history, and used the selection to take stud defenceman Owen Power. Power is a behemoth on the blueline, and looks to be a top pairing staple for the Penguins for years to come. The Penguins also traded for a pick later in the draft that became pesky forward Zachary L’Heureux.

Days later, the Penguins made another big splash, sending potential young star center Quinton Byfield to the Flames for star winger Andrei Svechnikov. While it’s tough to trade away such a promising young prospect in Byfield, Svechnikov has superstar potential talent and is already a well established top end sniper. It is also rumored that young Penguins star Kirill Kaprizov highly endorsed the trade, wishing to add another star Russian to the team.

The Penguins also made some other trades/draft picks, acquiring goalie prospect Joel Blomqvist, and drafting prospects Shai Buium, Samuel Helenuis, Filip Lindberg, William Trudeau, and Semyon Vyazovoi.

All in all, the future looks bright for the young Penguins, but expect this upcoming season to be another of pain as the Penguins young guns haven’t quite developed in to full fledged impact players just yet.

For the first time in his reign as General Manager of the New York Rangers, Tyler Shank will be attempting to ice a competitive team.

“Our fans have been patient with us through this rebuild, and I think it’s time to reward that.” Shank said in an interview on the draft floor. He has recently added young guns Anthony Beauvillier and Pavel Buchnevich to their thin forward corps, and upstart goaltender Chris Driedger to play with one of Antti Raanta or Jeremy Swayman. He hopes to add a bit more through free agency.

”Jake (Sanderson) and Shane (Pinto) were young guys we were excited for, yes, but some sacrifices need to be made. These guys we got back, while they have already made an impact in this league, are still young and still fit into our future plans.“ Shank added that they also went and acquired Josh Morrissey who, like the aforementioned players, is still young and looking to make an impact on this team.

”The hope this season is to reward the fans with a trip to the postseason. We may not go deep this year, but hey, anything can happen if you make it to the dance.” Shank chuffed as he nodded towards the Blues draft table. Don’t make any jokes however, as this is already by far the most competitive roster the Rangers have iced in Shanks tenure. Only time will tell if that translates during the season

The Montreal GM and roster players were busy counting up the lunch money they had taken from some nerds when they heard a sound that was all too familiar coming from the other side of the door.

Dammit, it was that disgrace Stamkos. Ever since Ovie and the Habs told him to get the f*** out of Montreal to never return he had been constantly calling everyone within the organization begging for them to convince GM MacPherson to allow him to come back to the greatest team in the GVFHL. GM MacPherson was about to tell him to take a hike when Ovie got up instead. Ovie opened the door and told Stamkos if he wanted to be part of the cool kids club that he had to do all of the players homework and give up all the money he made to them so they could get an 8.5 million dollar waterslide installed at the team pool. Stamkos had tears of joy and agreed. So as a result of this the lines for next season are currently this

Forwards

Ovechkin – Forsberg – Anderson

Tkachuk – Stamkos – Carter

Tanev – Coleman – Suzuki

??? – Foligno – Paquette

Defence

Krug – Manson

McDonagh – Gudas

Ellis – Schenn

Goalies

Lehner

Elvis

A team that completely disregards all the nerd stats and plays a physical game. All the cool tough kids want to come to Montreal. There have been rumors around the league that players on all the other teams in the league are begging their managements to not make them play the Habs.

The Habs were pondering today while going through some of their philosophical texts and wondered, what went wrong this season? They came within one game of the conference finals the season before this past one, upgraded the team big time to be able to take on the Bolts, and than were demolished by them in round 2. It was a shock to the system and hard to swallow after beating the Isles in 7. Looking back at the 2018 squad that won a cup the Habs wondered “What did that squad have that this one is missing?”. Then it dawned on GM MacPherson, there were 2 key differences, 1 difference in style of GMing and 1 in the roster makeup. The difference in style of gming was the Habs moto of “f*** the future, our time is now” approach and throwing all caution into the wind for a cup. The 2nd difference was that the roster had a player on that 2018 squad that the 2021 squad didn’t. Alex fucking Ovechkin. So in a fit of desperation to try to beat out the Bolts the Habs GM called St.Louis and gave up 2 key future assets in Noah Dobson and Jesperi Kotkaniemi for Uncle Ovie. But you know what? F*** prospects they’re for losers. You know what isn’t for losers? Ovie baby. Ovie is what matters, uncle Alex will whip these boys into cup winning shape.

The Habs proceed to go on a tirade of moves. Number 1 after getting Ovie was giving him the C immediately and telling Stamkos to pack up and get the f*** out of Montreal. He dishonored the Habs while wearing the C with his pitiful playoff performance. The next course of action was telling Torey Krug and Blake Coleman to stay put for 1 more year as the Habs were f****** going for the cup baby. They both are signing 1 year deals and hoping to get to the f****** promised land baby. The Habs also threw Nick Bonino’s contract into the abyss that is Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh’s gm made a good move by taking dead cap and tanking so she can take Shane Wright you say? Well guess what? Shane Wright is a prospect, and you know what prospects are for? Losers. The last move of note that has been announced as of today was acquiring Brandon Tanev, a good ole North American boy(as hockey legend Brian Burke would say) with grit, defence and speed. Montreal should try to get a team with well balanced scoring lines with more skill and less grit you say? Shut up nerds, analytics sucks. Grit is what wins cups, not your computer overlords fancy numbers. Was your GVFHL team hoping to win a cup? Well be prepared to be disappointed, Ovie is back with the Habs and they are going for it.