The Habs were pondering today while going through some of their philosophical texts and wondered, what went wrong this season? They came within one game of the conference finals the season before this past one, upgraded the team big time to be able to take on the Bolts, and than were demolished by them in round 2. It was a shock to the system and hard to swallow after beating the Isles in 7. Looking back at the 2018 squad that won a cup the Habs wondered “What did that squad have that this one is missing?”. Then it dawned on GM MacPherson, there were 2 key differences, 1 difference in style of GMing and 1 in the roster makeup. The difference in style of gming was the Habs moto of “f*** the future, our time is now” approach and throwing all caution into the wind for a cup. The 2nd difference was that the roster had a player on that 2018 squad that the 2021 squad didn’t. Alex fucking Ovechkin. So in a fit of desperation to try to beat out the Bolts the Habs GM called St.Louis and gave up 2 key future assets in Noah Dobson and Jesperi Kotkaniemi for Uncle Ovie. But you know what? F*** prospects they’re for losers. You know what isn’t for losers? Ovie baby. Ovie is what matters, uncle Alex will whip these boys into cup winning shape.

The Habs proceed to go on a tirade of moves. Number 1 after getting Ovie was giving him the C immediately and telling Stamkos to pack up and get the f*** out of Montreal. He dishonored the Habs while wearing the C with his pitiful playoff performance. The next course of action was telling Torey Krug and Blake Coleman to stay put for 1 more year as the Habs were f****** going for the cup baby. They both are signing 1 year deals and hoping to get to the f****** promised land baby. The Habs also threw Nick Bonino’s contract into the abyss that is Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh’s gm made a good move by taking dead cap and tanking so she can take Shane Wright you say? Well guess what? Shane Wright is a prospect, and you know what prospects are for? Losers. The last move of note that has been announced as of today was acquiring Brandon Tanev, a good ole North American boy(as hockey legend Brian Burke would say) with grit, defence and speed. Montreal should try to get a team with well balanced scoring lines with more skill and less grit you say? Shut up nerds, analytics sucks. Grit is what wins cups, not your computer overlords fancy numbers. Was your GVFHL team hoping to win a cup? Well be prepared to be disappointed, Ovie is back with the Habs and they are going for it.